Make Believe Reality
You know those movies on the Hallmark channel? If you don't, let me quickly fill you in. The two main characters meet in the first opening scenes and they usually despise each other. Through a series of coincidental events, they end up falling in love and live happily ever after. I secretly, until now, like watching them. They're predictable. The formula works no matter the conflict or character. There's no problem unfixable. The characters somehow grow beyond their issues and see their shortcomings. They slowly become willing to change. There's always a little plot twist at the end. It's desperate. It's last minute and the two characters who spent the whole movie avoiding the reality of their situation, finally find their truth. And almost always, every show ends with a sweet smile and kiss. It's not real life and I know it. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying them.
I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I'm entertained by something so formulaic is because so little in life works that way. On one hand, following a formula is easy, repeatable and for the Hallmark Channel, it works. On the other hand, individuality is refreshing, creative and interesting. In fitness, particularity also is what makes us scratch our heads when the formula that worked for our friends, doesn't work for us. When it's unclear as to why someone can't reach their goal, can't lose weight, can't gain muscle, can't stay consistent, can't eat to meet their aspirations, it can be frustrating and difficult.
Often, we apply the formula that we think has worked before, or for someone we know. We diet and try to exercise hard every day. We give up all the bad food. We grind away at difficult and frustrating exercise plans. We are just like the Hallmark characters, stubbornly working the plot that we're hired to play. But, unlike the movies, we don't often get the make believe ending. Our bodies may not respond to the treatment or we tire of the same health foods and hard exercise. Before too long, life happens and many of us get off track, or we decide to change plans, or gyms, or trainers, thinking that if we change the plot, then the ending will be happy. What actually needs adjusting is our expectation.
When I watch the movies, I expect the ending to tie up all the loose ends, and I'm rarely disappointed. It's not far into the plot that the main characters conflict and move apart only to be thrust into situations where they have to work together and they start to see the opposite perspective. There's always a relationship triangle and someone always has to courageously be true to their self. I've been comparing that story to the exercise tale we write about ourselves and believe there a plot line we can steal.
“Discontent with our body makes for a bad relationship on every level, and we can take ourselves down a path of over-exercising or under-eating or both. ”
The only way Hallmark can keep making movies is because we can all relate to lost love, dreams, money, friends, etc...(and people apparently keep buying lots of medicine from the advertisers!). When the conflict peaks, both characters move on independently. They come to terms with the dream leaving. They pick up the pieces and decide that life continues. Then, once they have found a new normal, the love interest returns, having grown past their mistakes and now desperate to reconnect to their soulmate. This is the part that we can apply to our fitness lives. If our exercise dreams have faded, and we are still holding onto what we thought we wanted, we can't move forward. In fact, we will typically keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. What would happen if we treated our fitness like Hallmark characters...if there are things that are stubbornly unsolved, what if we decide to let it go, like a lost love, and move on. Really move on. Let go of the dream. Reset our idea of what our fitness really means. Instead of trying to make ourselves fit into a role that we've dreamt up, how about we decide to accept where we are on our fitness path and see how that attitude opens up new realities. Discontent with our body makes for a bad relationship on every level, and we can easily take ourselves down a negative path of self-inflicted emotional abuse, physical neglect. Instead, what if we turned over a new leaf and accepted where our body is at this moment. Really coming to terms with how our bodies function and feel. What if we accepted the fact that if our bodies never changed one bit from what they are right now, we would still be able to live a great life. What if we decide not to be negatively influenced by the structure of ourselves and find that acceptance is really what we are all striving for anyway. We all have a need to feel content about who we are, but it won't come from the outside. We have to accept ourselves innately, even if we never improve, and then we may really, truly live happily ever after.
“The absence of pressure, regret, disappointment and expectation sets the stage for growth. ”
Now, acceptance does not equal change-less, goal-less or off the exercise hook. Equate acceptance to how you nurture a toddler. You would start the morning without any leftover attitude from yesterday. There's no resentment for the babe not moving and eating perfectly. You're not angry because their onesie is a little snug on their belly. You don't scowl at them in the mirror as you dress them, criticizing their curves and lines. You don't expect the child to be anything other that who they are, doing what they do at that moment. And yet, everyday, there is a little progress. So little, that if you are the primary caregiver, you probably don't even notice. But progress is there constantly. Suddenly, that toddler is doing things that last month were impossible. I may have rose-colored glasses when I look back to that time because my babies are teens now, but the comparison works. The absence of pressure, regret, disappointment and expectation sets the stage for growth. And lots of it!
Do an experiment for 10 days...see how nice you can be to yourself. See if you can move past your expectations and dreams. See if you can accept where you are right now and start from there. See what progress you can make toward your goals without disappointment when you have to take a toddler nap. I promise you won't regret one moment you spend when you look beyond your conflicts and mistakes, and start where you are, moving toward growth. It'll be just like the movies.
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