Let Loose of the Fairytale
I'm staying about ¼ mile from Disney World for the week. It's hard to be here and not be inundated with fairytale creatures, dreams and ideas. It's easy to buy the fairytale dream in the fitness world, too. I'm sure the social media posts written about the top foods to eat, the flat belly workout, and the best skin products you aren't using are written with good intentions for giving reliable information to those searching for answers. However, the ad that pops up on my Facebook page with a picture of a banana, titled "5 foods never to eat", insinuates that you should banish bananas for good. The Pinterest picture of an airbrushed backside claiming to be "the 14 best bum moves" leads me to believe that my workouts must not be cutting it. It's a way to acquire followers, friends, fellow pinners or tweeters, and possibly share ideas. It's what blogging is about, and there's great liberty in knowing anyone can do it.
In his book, Get Real-A Personal Guide to Real Life Weight Management, Dr. Daniel Kosich explains that most of us buy into three general wishes when it comes to weight management. If we can let go of these fairytale dreams and live in the reality that your body is intricately designed to move with complexity, fueled by real food and rest, then we can all take a major step away from the make believe world that we are spell bound into believing about our bodies.
Wish #1: We want to believe in magic.
Have you ever watched a magician saw a person in half? You are seeing something with your eyes that you know intellectually to be completely false, and yet, there it is in front of you. We know that no person can survive a sharp edge through their belly, but because we want to believe that there is a secret behind the scene, we will testify that what we saw on stage was real. Here is the truth: there is no magic potion, solution, program or pill when it comes to weight management. We have to let go of the hope for magic. Each of us has to do it ourselves. The secret is there is no secret. You are not the only one who has been frustrated with weight control, loss, gain, or maintenance. Honestly, there are lots of things still to learn, but what we know is that the answer to weight management starts with letting go of the magic.
Wish #2: We want a One-Size-Fits-All answer.
Have you ever looked at the weight charts at your doctor’s office? They are organized by height and give an average weight that is “normal” for that height. We might feel good about ourselves if we fit the range or guilty if we don’t. It’s as if we all have to fit into Cinderella’s slipper in order to be content. If we are tall, short, fat, thin, dark, light, boy or girl, we won’t fit into anyone else’s slipper. Living with a healthy body weight doesn’t mean we have to look like anyone else. Can we change our definition of appropriate weight to mean energy enough to accomplish our jobs with vitality, strength enough to stay free from injury and disease, and at peace enough to accept ourselves and others no matter what the body looks like? A program that may help your sister keep healthy, may not accomplish the same thing for you. There is growing evidence that in addition to healthy eating and exercise, there are other things at play. Three of the most important are: the number of fat cells on your body, your metabolism (or the rate that you burn calories) and the set point theory (or a weight that you have maintained for a period of time). Now, if when you read this, you think, “See! I told you it’s not all about eating and exercise! It’s my genetics and my body’s chemistry, therefore it’s not possible for me to be like those other people!” you are incorrect. What is does mean is that we will not all be able to weigh 120 pounds at 5 feet 4 inches. Some may weigh 110 and some may weigh 140 and each one is healthy in their own right. What is does mean is that your progress through a sensible, real-life weight management program will be unique. We all have to eat to nourish our bodies and move to stay energetic. Bottom line. What you look like will be YOU!
Wish #3: We thought the answer was All-or-Nothing.
Have you ever thought this? "I can never have another French fry (or pie, donut, fried chicken or grandma's quiche) if I am ever going to lose weight." Or, "If I don't feel like a Mack truck ran me over when I work out, I'm not doing any good!" Both of those statements support the all-or-nothing wish. There is good reason why we want to believe in this wish. Extremes often seem easier than finding the moderate way. "Yes" and "no" instructions are direct and easy to follow, but "maybe" requires ongoing use of judgment. It is precisely because of the need for judgment that we must develop the ability to make good choices through understanding, acceptance and ultimately self-respect. This grey area of judgment is uncomfortable to many of us, but it has a huge advantage over the black and white extremes: you can live with it. How long do you think you would be able to only eat celery, tofu, and kale? How long can you run as fast as possible? Obviously, we can't do either for very long, but we can all attest to believing the extreme way was why we haven't done better with weight management. Learning to eat with fresh food or without a fast food restaurant is a step in the right direction. Participating in an exercise program that produces benefits AND that you enjoy, is the goal.
Regardless of where you are on your journey with the beautiful body you were born with, consider letting loose of these wishes once and for all. Then, perhaps you will live happily ever after.
