Sometimes when I read, certain sentences stick out, like they’re printed in all caps and bold letters. It causes me to pause and reread them, and often, apply them. Here’s a recent one from Precision Nutrition:

After all, we can’t fully control how our bodies will respond to a nutrition or training program. And by setting goals that require a certain outcome, anything that falls short can feel like a failure.

“Not fully in control of how our bodies respond” punched me between the eyes. No matter how geeked out we are about program designs and meal planning, our bodies control the changes, not our intentions, and certainly not our planning. On one hand, this can be comforting because we can let go of some of the pressure to be perfect. We can only do our best, and let our bodies change as they may. On the other hand, this may be incredibly frustrating, especially if you like to plan to the smallest minutia each calorie consumed and burned. Try as you may, things will eventually not add up perfectly.

Almost everyday, completing an exercise program, no matter how hard you try, can feel like you fall short. And why would that be? Mostly, because we have expectations and comparisons that are unrealistic. We act as though we are all equal, as though each of our bodies are capable of the same things and all we have to do is try harder in order to become some new shape with a new future.

We intellectually and experientially know this isn’t true, but emotionally, it may be a hard spot to live in, especially if you spend any time on social media. A recent study found that a 7-min scroll on instagram was enough to decrease self confidence and increase anxiety. And even though we know all bodies are different, we idolize certain shapes but may never meet those standards, even on our best days.

So what’s the solution?

Focus on daily actions and not outcomes. If you want to lose weight, exercise daily and eat a wide variety of real foods. Instead of focusing on whether or not you’re losing weight, do the actions that produce change in your body and it will. It may not lose 30 pounds, but when you exercise and eat nutritiously, your body changes, 100% of the time.

Reset your idea of success, healthy, good, lean, active or in-shape to mean someone who takes care of their body by moving frequently and sometimes intensely, and eating healthy foods to satisfaction. The end. Those are standards that we can all accomplish and then leave the outcomes to happen as they should: out of our control.